Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Girls should come with a carfax report
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
