WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
