He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
