Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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