woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
