You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
