I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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