R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
