dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
