I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
literally had 100 drinks last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
