guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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