Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...

(301): View more from Maryland

Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better

Fav 14 4226 1148
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(757): View more from Virginia

apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

Fav 19 1161 5325
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(937): View more from Ohio

We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture

Fav 25 891 7866
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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.

Fav 6 2448 1270
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(303): View more from Colorado

Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

Fav 13 2092 2960
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally

Fav 25 2842 1612
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.

Fav 6 3992 1267
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats

Fav 1 38 40
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw

Fav 0 38 14
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