my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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