I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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