Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
