It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
