Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
