I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
