Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
