Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
