ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
