Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
