your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
