it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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