why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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