That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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