..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
