I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
