she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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