I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize