he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
third nipple confirmed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
