That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
