He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
