yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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