I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
