ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
