I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
