dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
