I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
a search helicopter?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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