Umm I'm too high to move.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
