I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
