We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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