No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
