So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
