OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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