Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
