I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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