Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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