if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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