I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
