It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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