Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
