I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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