Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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