New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
