don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
