waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
