guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
