So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize