would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
