i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
