can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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