I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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