He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
