I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
