There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
