You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
