The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
