i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
