my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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