how can u be prego again
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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