Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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