Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You ruined the universe
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
