It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
