I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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