I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
